The Cat And The Candy Floss

"Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers"


(My eyes hurt from all the princelings)


There was once a cat, that liked to eat candy floss. Unfortunately there was not an abundant supply in his ghetto neighbourhood, being far from any carnival or rotisserie. This cat longed for candy floss more than anything in the world! More than mice! More than string! More than even LOVE! His heart yearned for it more than anything in the world. He spent hours of the day, pitifully staring out of the window of his residence; hoping that one day someone would walk by eating some of that precious substance he so coveted. He was consumed by it. He took to google imaging and attempting to eat the subsequent images. Anything pink was instantly destroyed by his anger. Too many a time had he found the candy-floss maker in the Argos catalogue and showed it meaningfully to his owners, only for them to push him away before resuming their heroin fuelled s&m. He shut himself off from the outside world. He no longer went to visit his girlfriend 3 doors down, or his best friends over on Winchester Lane. He hadn't called his mum in 7 cat-weeks!.He was an addict. Completely and utterly beyond hope. It was killing him. His fur had grown mangy and discoloured. He was ghostly thin, and he could barely stand upright for any period of time. It was pitiful. It was disgusting. He couldn't take it anymore.


Then he shot himself.


THE END!

LOTR and other things

'Wit is educated insolence'


(The leftover bits of crisps in one's teeth can amuse one for many hours)


So I'm reading this book. You may have heard of it. It's called 'Nothing happens for ages except for something precious, a midget and an old guy succeeding in preventing things from passing'. If you guessed classic Disney animated feature 'UP!' then you were partially INCORRECT! I am of course rambling about 'The Lord Of The Rings; The Fellowship Of The Ring'. This engagement/wedding comedy turned fantasy epic is probably one of the greatest works of high fantasy ever written. It makes me cry when i talk to people who've only seen the films; mainly because they were SO AWESOME but also because it reminds me of the painstaking hours i spent reading this slightly difficult trilogy. I've just got to Rivendell and it's been 200 pages of Shire-centric shenanigans (promised myself i'd get that word in ^^), which suffice it to say get only a little wearisome after a while.



Unfortunately this is why i love the books. The precise detail and reality of such a different world to our own is astounding and i can understand why Tolkien was considered pioneering. However; my other gripes include the songs; which are hardly relevant or interesting; and the senseless need to name every single person in The Shire! I DON'T CARE! Gee-zus!


In other news, i need to think up suitably apt expressions to use for my end of school yearbook. Also need to think about what to write on the whiteboard i'll be holding up in one of them...Also need to finish the blurbs of my friends that I'm writing, decide on my French oral topic, do my english coursework and not eat way too many Walkers Sensations. I need to do exercise. I think i may take up running; outdoors obvs i don't own a gym membership. I'm gonna go do an essay before reading more of my book then going to bed. ADIOS!


p.s. Someone else had better write a new blog post soon because I'm expecting a certain level of commitment from whatever this is!
p.p.s BOOP!